Life Wasted

Dear Kenyatta As Samad

I feel as though I have awakened from a long and restless sleep. The things that i held most dear to me and my most valued possession has for the most part been a figment of my imagination. As I Awaken I am confronted with the eerie fact that I am alone and isolated. Those that i thought where there are nowhere to be found, but what is there are the leeches and maggots that feed off of my dying carcass. I am unable to find anything that brings light to my life or a smile to my heart. I am bitter and cold and appear to be getting worse. When I reach out to those around me that I kept as safety nets I see that life moves on and so do they. For all the times that I have played the role of comforter and pillar now that I am falling apart there is no one to lean on. I am a world onto myself. And if I am unable to fix me then I am afraid there is no hope.

There have always been doors opening in front of me for me to pass through in order to reinvent myself, but it appears that those doors are no longer opening. I am trapped and desperate. This is not a suicide cry or a plea for acceptance or release. This is me kicking myself in the ASS and telling myself it is time to regain control and to get my life in order. I need to try and kick start my life and move forward out of this rut. I need to find me, the old happy me. The me; that I know I can be. I need to be free….


Stepphon D. Gayle