What is there for me?

In the midst of all of the things going on in the world today, I took time out to think what is there for me?  Now on the surface this seemed even to me to be an odd question, but the more I thought about it the more overwhelmed I became.  I sit here day to day doing what it is that I do all along deep within there is this boding feeling that I am not who or what I am supposed to be.  In a word I believe I am afraid.  Although I do not know of what I have this feeling.

As far as I can tell everything in my life is great right now, but yet there is a shadow that is looming over me.  I must say that in retrospect I felt the most alive when my back was against the wall and I had to fight on a daily basis just to hold on to what and who I am.  Now a days I guess I feel a lot like the tiger  who was captured in the wild and then placed in a cage at a zoo. 

The excitement and the need to always be one step ahead of those around me must have triggered something in me.  I loved the rush of having to think on my feet and having to prepare the next plan before the current one was even in action.  The rush that I felt when I saw that once again I was able to side-step my assailants made me feel whole.  Maybe this is what I am missing now in my life.  There seems to be no drive nor passion in this world for me.

I could become an activist I guess to try and help recharge this emptiness but honestly I do not think that will solve anything.  I was about action and seeing positive returns not just putting my time and energy into something that will not be fixed for generations.  I am lost and alone.

well just wanted to share a little from the gray matter of me.